Us, Runners.

A couple of weeks ago we focused on “what non-runners think” about us.  This week, we’ll turn the tables and enlighten the non-runners on “what runners think”.

We get this a lot.  When we talk to our non-running friends about how we spend hours on weekends going in circles in Central Park, we are inevitably asked, “So when you run, what are you thinking about?”  Well, kids.  It depends.  Before we begin to dig deep into the psyche of a runner, let’s first define some of the typical runners we see.

Level 1 Runner

A level 1 runner is somebody that runs for fun.  It might be to feel good, lose a few pounds, maybe have a chat with a more experienced runner friend.  Level 1 runner will have your typical Nike running shoes that look cute, wear Lulu-Lemon tanks for girls and perhaps an Under Armour for guys, and probably an arm band with an iPod/iPhone.  Running is something you do when the weather is perfect 65F, sunny, with low humidity.  A race is definitely not something they will do – but they are happy to cheer those that do!

Level 20 Runner

With a few shorter distance races under their belts, Level 20 Runner is more experienced.  They’ve moved on to more serious running shoes, like Mizuno, Asics, New Balance, and probably experienced enough chaffing to start seriously consider getting seamless bras for girls, nip guards for men.  Not really into marathons, but half marathons might be something in the near future.  Arm bands have gone out the window, but maybe a few days with tunes off the ipod Mini will be good.

Level 50 Runner

We’ve entered the level of competitive runner.  This guy/gal would belong to some form of speedwork class, and have collected enough metal alloys called race medals that they’ve gotten a separate bin just for all the hardware.  They have a niche that they like to race in – either a short distance specialist with great 10K legs, experienced sub 1:30 half marathons, few good marathons, and maybe even into ultra distances.  They wear compression gear and fancy material tops.  

Level: Insane

Now these guys are the insane ones.  They are weird, no matter how you look at them.  Running barefoot on asphalt.  Topless in winter.  Shorts in blizzards.  They’ve gone off the deep end of running and there is no turning back. 

Obviously, there are many shades of runners between each of these levels but this should give a non-runner an idea about how not all runners are the same.  So what do these guys all think about when running?

Level 1 Runner:  O man, I can’t believe my boss just screwed me over like that.  What the hell?  Oooo here comes the tune that I like!  This song really gets me going!  Oh, hey, that reminds me, I should probably call my friend and see if they want to go for a drink later.  I’m burning so much calories, I’m sure I can enjoy a cocktail or two safely!  (smile!)  Go Team!

Level 20 Runner:  How can I get faster?  How is my cadence?  How is my form?  I want to be a better runner.  This hill sucks.  Why is that chick running faster than me?  Why is this dude stomping so loud?  I can’t believe that chick just beat me in the race last week.  What am I going to eat for dinner?  Should I eat more carbs? 

Level 50 Runner:  OMG, my calf hurts again.  WTF.  I thought I took it easy last week.  I only did 50 miles!  That’s 20 miles less than the previous week.  Crap.  Am I going to PR at this rate?  I really need a PR.  OOOOO here comes the hills.  Don’t slow down, don’t slow down, don’t slow down!!  God, this pack or Level 1s are sooooooo in the way!  I’m so going to pass that fat dude.  Turbo-sprint cadence in three-two-one!!!!

Level:  Insane:  ... -.-. --- - - / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .- / -... .-.. --- --- -.. -.-- / .. -.. .. --- - / -... ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- -. - .. -.-. ... / --- -. / - .... . / -- .-.. --- -.-. / .-- . -... ... .. - . / .- .-. . / .- .--. .--. .-. . -.-. .. .- - . -.. / -... -.-- / .- .-.. .-.. / .- -. -.. / .. / - .- -.- . / - .... .. ... / --- .--. .--. --- .-. - ..- -. .. - -.-- / - --- / .-- .. ... .... / -.-- --- ..- / .- / .... .- .--. .--. -.-- / -.-. .... .-. .. ... - -- .- ... .-.-.- / -.- .. –

There you have it.  We’re not that interesting.

Club News

Hey guys, make sure you mark your calendars for the following NYRR Club Points Races.  These races are fun way to compete against other teams AND get your 9+1 races in.  It's two birds with one stone! Some of these races even benefits different charity groups, so we highly recommend that you try to get at least a handful in!

March 3 – Coogan’s Salsa, Blues & Shamrock 5K

This race takes place uptown…waaaay uptown in Washington Heights.  It’s short but it’s steep.  Think of it as a intense hill repeat session.

April 5 – Scotland Run 10K

You know the drill.  One loop of Central Park, where you know every slight incline and decline of the course.  Scotland Run has traditionally had pretty cool swag, not to mention sexxxxy men in kilts.

May 18 (or 19) – Brooklyn Half Marathon

It’s part of the NYRR 5-Borough Series (although Queens is still missing).  A nice 13.1 race with tech shirt swag.  Starts pretty early, but that means you’re done pretty early as well.  Enjoy the rest of the day lazily watching some HGTV.

June 8 – Mini 10K.

It’s not “Mini” as in small, but Mini because the ladies wore mini skirts at the inaugural race (or something like that).  It’s almost always hot and humid during this race, but with a slightly different course and it being girls only, there’s lots of room to run.

June 16 – Portugal Day 5M

Ladies may run, but only dudes are scored.  And it’s shorter than the ladies’ 10K...does this mean something?  Either way, we expect lots of testosterone filled elbowing along the course. 

June 29 – Frontrunners Pride Run 5M

A different 5M course that includes the Harlem Hills.  It’s literally a prom for our brothers and sisters and everybody else in Frontrunners.  GREAT swag, popsicles at the finish line, and cheer leading boys that wants to be girls, girls that wants to be boys, and boys that like boys and girls that like girls.  Captain Crunch comes dressed to the nines with perfect hair for this race.

August 3 – Club Championship 5M

Double Points for Double Races.  Men and women run separately in this heat and humidity filled race.  Last year we had a picnic afterwards – who knows what we will do this year! 

September 7 – Fitness 4M

With heat finally dissipating away, this early September race is also a Men & Women separate race.  It’s short and it has a great flat finish.  A really good race to time trial right before you head into fall marathon training.

October 6 – Greta’s Great Gallop Half Marathon

An unusual clock-wise 2 loop of Central Park race, and a perfect workout if you are doing the NYC Marathon.  It’s timed perfectly for your training schedule.  Last year, we all got tech shirts, so another awesome swag race.

November 3 - ING NYC Marathon

Do we really need an explanation on this one??  If you want to be in the Local Competitive Team Corral, make sure to run either a full marathon or a half marathon prior to October 2013 at paces faster than these:

Men	Marathon	Half Marathon		Women	Marathon	Half Marathon
18-34	2:53	1:22		18-34	3:16	1:35
35-39	2:55	1:24		35-39	3:22	1:38
40-44	3:02	1:27		40-44	3:30	1:41
45-49	3:08	1:32		45-49	3:40	1:46
50-54	3:16	1:39		50-54	3:48	1:49
55-59	3:26	1:39		55-59	3:56	1:52
60+	3:32	1:42		60+	4:06	1:57

December 14 – Ted Corbitt 15K

It’s cold, but it’s the last race and here we shall see the power of our Nordic runners.  Easy 15K that doesn’t involve the Harlem Hills.  This one sells out fast, so make sure you register quick.

Shop ‘til You Drop!

Not really.  “RUN ‘til You Drop” is more accurate way to describe this. 

Since our Coach Alem is Ethiopian, we, as Agonites, need to keep a close eye the rival:  The Kenyans.  This week, Canadian Olympic Marathoner, Reid Coolsaet drops some insight on how these guys train.  Reid is currently not-so-undercover in Kenya, training in high heat and high altitude for what is believed to be Boston Marathon (he doesn’t say…he just says a “marathon in April”).

On Tuesday, he did a little 7X2km Repeats (so it’s like our 1 mile Repeats) with a pack of Kenyans that were around his marathon pace group.  As with any group training, a few handful will go super fast and way over their pace.  (We’re looking at you Maharaja!)  Of course, they couldn’t keep up with the faster group, so most of the group will drop out after 5^threpeat.  They didn’t even try to finish it at their own pace.  Similarly, during a cross country race Reid participated in, he saw a bunch of people just try their hardest to keep up with the lead group, only to DNF.

What’s interesting, and very different from how we train, is that these guys literally just run til they drop, and hope that next time, next day, next loop they will stay with the lead pack. 

The mentality is to stay with the lead group as long as possible and hope that next week they can stay up there longer. As opposed to completing the full workout and hopefully later on they can complete it faster.  (Float On)

So are we too paranoid of DNF?  Are we too scared to be looked upon as a quitter?  Are we too afraid to run with all our speed?  This needs some investigating. 

Some one quick!  Make every run “run til you drop” run and see if you will PR in the next race!!

It’s Perfectly Normal.

Most of us here at Agony are pretty normal. 

It’s perfectly normal for VeggieRachana to subsist on three leafs of romaine and three green peas alone, and run 5 marathons a year.  It’s perfectly normal that LisaLisa has antifreeze instead of regular hemoglobin in her system.  It’s perfectly normal that Mr. Tom’s karma powers had separated the ocean and stopped Sandy Surge from ruining his home.  It’s perfectly normal that Xena is actually Dorian Gray.

But from the eye of a non-runner, some things these perfectly normal Agnoites do are not.  As runners, it’s important for us to understand and note these "normally abonormal behaviors",  so that we can adjust our actions and prevent unnecessary back lash, like poo-throwing, you know. 

We think ALL of the below is perfectly normal.  However, for non-runners, it’s not.

1)      It’s not normal to wear obnoxious tights.  When we look at this picture, we don’t see anything wrong with it.  Apparently, non-runners think it’s strange.

2)      It’s not normal to think “ahhhh massage” when you look upon a tennis ball, a softball, or a baseball.  Those are items for another sport.  It’s not massage trigger releasers.

3)      Hey, did you guys know it’s not normal to drink flame retardant?

4)      Apparently, it’s not normal to have some part or another of your body to hurt at any given time.  That’s why there is a large market in pain killers.  We don’t know what “pain free” means.

5)      It’s not normal to sit on items mentioned in #2 during your normal business hours in your normal business chairs.  You will end up scaring your clients/co-workers and get the suspicious look:  “WTH is this person doing with a tennis ball between their legs?”

6)      According to FDA it’s not normal nor recommended to eat a pound of pasta in one sitting.  Although...tons of non-running folks do it all the time.  In this aspect, non-runners are not normal.  We, runners, don’t deep fry our macaroni.

7)      Running 26.2 miles, pushing yourself to near-death is not “something fun to do” for most normal people.  Being unable to even go down a flight of stairs post marathon is not normal either.  On a similar note, to trade sweet, sweet, sleep for a 20 mile slogging in Central Park in near freezing/heat wave is incomprehensible for non-runners.

8)      Even for some runners, but definitely for all non-runners, SNOT BOMBS are not normal nor is it acceptable good manners.

9)      Don’t say “I did LSD again this weekend.”  That’s not something normal to non-runners.  They’ll think you took a psychotic drug…and wonder, “This guy runs marathons – how can he be tripping every weekend??”

10)   To many, many, many non-runner girls, it’s unacceptable that we easily spend $120-150 every other month on those brightly colored BEAUTIFUL neon shoes. 

Finally, even to us runners, wearing obnoxious gear during a serious marathon race is...well, just obnoxious.  We especially don’t like tutus.